Submitted by: Kimberly

I had an abortion when I was 18. I was young and stupid and the guy I was with was 27 and stupider. I was with him for maybe 8 months when I found I was pregnant. Condoms don’t always work, but I think that he was doing something without my knowledge to get me pregnant. I told him I was pregnant and I found out that he already had two kids. I never told my parents, he paid for the abortion, and I went to a clinic in Tacoma and had it done. I left him shortly after, and he did try to stay in touch, but I never allowed it.

At age 22 and I was at a 3-day music festival with friends. In all honesty I had sex with a few guys who I found at the festival, but I had condoms with me and I was always safe. I can tell you that I was never drunk because I don’t drink. But it was a guy from Michigan (yea…Michigan….LOL!!) who just won me over. He wanted sex without a condom, and I did it. Dumb, I know.

My plan was on getting Plan B, something that I did once before, but I was with friends driving home. For some reason we took the coastal route, and it’s not easy saying “HEY can we stop at every pharmacy we pass until I find what I need???” But I become pregnant a second time, and I was thinking about keeping it. I had a nice apartment and a good job at Costco, and I felt ready. I didn’t know who the father was and in all honesty, I felt more empowered on doing it on my own.

I did not tell my mom as I didn’t want or need her opinion. It was at 9 weeks when I had extreme morning sickness and my breasts were killing me, and it was then I was thinking that maybe this was a dumb idea. I don’t know what I was thinking but I just decided on having a second abortion. It was only $25 as my insurance covered the rest. I was 10 weeks pregnant when I had this abortion, and for some reason at the time it just felt like a dumb mistake.

I married my husband at age 25. We have a daughter who is currently 2 years old, and I am 30 now. We have been married for 5 years, but we were working on having a second child, in the year 2020 of all years. We got pregnant, and soon after that my husband lost his job including mostly everybody at his company. The hope is that things will turn around in January, but that is not certain. So we had to cut expenses, and we even got rid of our second vehicle.

We both knew that having a second child during this time was a bad idea. I stupidly mentioned that maybe abortion would be a good idea. This was a wanted pregnancy and a planned pregnancy, and I was just shy of 9 weeks when I said the word abortion. It took over 2 weeks to get an appointment, and when I had the abortion I was 11 weeks 4 days.

I had abortion was just two days ago. I am crying as I am typing all of this, and I never ever thought I would have a third abortion. I thought I’d have marriage, two or three kids and living the dream. We had it made!

My hope, and I know this is wrong in every way, is that my husband gets his job back in January and that we can try again for our second child. I just had an abortion like 53 hours ago and I already want to get pregnant again. Stupid I know.

My previous abortions, including the one I considered a stupid mistake, are simply attacking my mind. I know that in a week or two i’ll calm down and relax and hopefully move on with life.

I chatted with Charlotte, an Exhale talkline counselor, and I told her nearly everything I just said above. I need to add on here that the reason why I had this last abortion was so that I could take care of my daughter. But now after the abortion I am thinking that I took away her first sibling, and I never thought about that until the abortion was occurring.

I need to add that I was awake for the procedure. I stopped working at Costco because my husband had a really good career, and my plan was being a stay-at-home-mom with a little part time job on the side. Unfortunately we had no insurance this time, and this abortion costs us $690. I had to choose no sedation because it was an additional $125. The clinic offered no sedation for under 12 weeks, and I qualified. If I was 3 days later I would have had no choice on sedation.

I felt my baby being sucked out of me. It wasn’t painful, but I could feel the pressure and the pulling. So yea, that is how I get to remember our second child.

I am telling myself that my 2-year-old daughter is priority, and this was the right decision, even though it was a choice that we weren’t planning for.
On another note my family knows about this abortion and they supported the decision. My friends think that I had a miscarriage.