Submitted by: L V
I waited over 38 years before trying to get pregnant and I have not read a story like mine.
I was told a few years ago by a doctor that I was going to have early menopause, like my mom. My hormone levels were more typical of a woman who was 45, not 35. The doctors that I should try to get pregnant right away, but I was in a new relationship of less than a year at the time.
I waited 3 years until my boyfriend agreed to start trying with me. He had been dragging his feet with other things. We looked at engagement rings and wedding gowns, but he didn’t buy me a ring. When I found a wedding gown I liked, he was upset and didn’t want me to put a deposit on it. When I found out that I was unexpectedly pregnant 2 months into trying (it felt like a medical miracle), he was immediately angry.
He told me that trying with me was a mistake and he only tried because he “thought it wouldn’t work” given my hormone levels. He gave me two choices: 1) Have an abortion and he would pay to get us a therapist so that our relationship could improve, or 2) Have a baby, and he would spend his money on a lawyer and fight me for whatever custody rights he might have.
He refused to see a therapist with me while I was pregnant. He then abruptly stopped all contact with me without even telling me why. For nearly 4 weeks, I went back and forth between imagining I could have the baby and be a single mom and the idea of an abortion. I was hyper aware that I was pregnant, and scared of the physical process of pregnancy. I was saddened going home alone every night to an empty apartment with no supportive partner.
I went online looking for stories of women in similar situations, but everyone’s story is unique to them and no one had a story like mine. It was a difficult decision, but at 8 weeks and 5 days, I went to the doctor and had a D&E. It was scary, but the doctors and nurses were kind and compassionate. My elderly father drove me to the hospital. My dream was to be in a loving relationship and to have a child born out of love.
My heart and soul were crushed that I was not supported by my boyfriend. My therapist told me that all the red flags were there long before this happened; he was not committed despite frequently telling me that he was “100% committed to me”. I realize this may be my last chance to have a child, and my heart is saddened.