Aborté 2 veces


Note: The Exhale Pro-Voice After-Abortion Stories Hub includes people’s stories of their experiences and emotions, exactly as they have written them in. We do not edit these stories at all, and the content that follows this message is exactly as we received it. We know that people’s experiences are complex, and these stories reflect the many emotions they may be feeling after their abortions. From relief to grief, and everything in between, and all at the same time, we’re here for you.

Aborté 2 veces.

[English translation below]

Cuando tuve 18 años aborté. Era ingenua me violaron. En mi país no estaba permitido el aborto. Solo era permitido cuando la vida de la madre corría peligro.

Yo me sentía sucia tan mal que no me importaba hasta morirme y lo hize me induje al aborto con pastillas. Increíblemente quedé bien, pero me quedé con la sensación de que no debería ser madre nunca.

Ahora tengo 25 años y salí embarazada, lo primero que se me pasó por la cabeza fue lo mismo, que no merecía ser mamá y pensé en abortar. No le conté nada a mi pareja porque sé que él no hubiera querido que yo aborte, así que tome la decisión por mi.

Cuenta pasaba una y otra semana y no me decidí no estaba segura. Cuando empezé el proceso de aborto inmediatamente me arrepentí. Pero ya era tarde las contracciones habian empezado y tenia miedo que mi bebé tenga malformaciones, asi que continue con el proceso y aborté.

Luego de eso me sentí tan mal. El dolor emocional era igual o más que el del cuerpo y hasta ahora me pregunto porque lo hize, porque no le conté a mi pareja, porque tome una decisión tan equivocada cuando en fondo si quiero ser mamá, quizás tenga un problema piscológico que debo tratar.

En ese momento se me juntaron varias cosas, mi pareja y yo habiamos terminado nuestra relación, él me dijo que ya no sabía que sentía por mí que no era como antes. La pandemia del covid también afectó mi vida. No tengo trabajo y mi pareja tampoco, pero debí ser más fuerte, me arrepiento de mi decisión ya nose como será mi vida a partir de ahora.

Presentado por: Judi

I Had 2 Abortions

Submitted by: Judi

When I was 18 I had an abortion. I was naive, I was raped. In my country abortion was not allowed. It was only allowed when the mother’s life was in danger.

I felt dirty so badly that I did not even care if I died, so I induced my own abortion with pills. Amazingly, my health was OK, but I was left with the feeling that I should never be a mother.

Now I am 25 years old and I got pregnant again. The first thing that crossed my mind was doing the same thing — that I did not deserve to be a mother and I thought about having an abortion. I did not tell my partner because I know that he would not have wanted me to have an abortion, so I made the decision on my own.

Weeks went by and I did not decide, I was not sure. When I started the abortion process immediately I regretted it. But it was too late, the contractions had started and I was afraid that my baby would have malformations, so I continued with the process and had the abortion.

After that I felt so bad, the emotional pain was equal to or more than the physical pain, and even now I ask myself why I did it, why I did not tell my partner, why I made such a bad decision, because deep down I do want to be a mother, maybe I have a psychological problem that I should treat.At that time several things came together— my partner and I had ended our relationship, he told me that he no longer knew what his feelings were for me and that it was not like before. The covid pandemic also affected my life. I don’t have a job and neither does my partner, but I should have been stronger. I regret my decision and I don’t know how my life will be from now on.

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