Conflicted

Submitted By: Anonymous

I am 21 and pregnant for the first time. I am conflicted with getting the abortion because it’s my child — someone that is coming from me. I would love to have a child in the future, but I feel like right now is not the right time. I am in the process of trying to find a job and the father of my child lives in a different state. I just moved to a new state to try and get a new start with my life.

The father says he supports me and would be okay with whatever decision I make, but he also to changes his opinion a lot. We agreed that we would split the cost and he would come with me to my appointment, but now he is saying, “I don’t agree with abortions so paying to kill my child is not what I want to do. And I’ll be there within the next couple of weeks.” I haven’t told anyone because I don’t want to seem like a disappointment or a failure, but just having his and my feelings are so conflicting.

I want nothing more than to go through pregnancy, to hold my baby, to love my baby, to teach my baby, and just live life with my baby, but there’s something telling me that it’s not the right time. There’s also the religious side of me, telling me that this is God’s plan and I should trust him and the journey. I really don’t know what to do. I made an appointment for later this month. It’s the first appointment where they just talk with you and give an ultra sound and blood work. The second appointment is 2 days later. I think I’m banking on the second appointment to give me a gut feeling on if I should keep my baby or not.

I feel guilty and selfish already for even thinking about abortion. I can’t imagine how I would feel after I get it, if I get it.