Drop in the Ocean

Note: The Exhale Pro-Voice After-Abortion Stories Hub includes people’s stories of their experiences and emotions, exactly as they have written them in. We do not edit these stories at all, and the content that follows this message is exactly as we received it. We know that people’s experiences are complex, and these stories reflect the many emotions they may be feeling after their abortions. From relief to grief, and everything in between, and all at the same time, we’re here for you.

Submitted by: Invisible Girl

My would-be due date is coming up around the corner. It has felt a bit lonely. Most people in my life are not pro-choice. I know I did the best thing for the sperm donor I called my best friend (Richard, whose name I replaced) but sometimes I wonder if I did the best thing for me.

Two weeks after my pregnancy test was positive, ee went to the clinic to find out our options. They could not find anything but I definitely tested positive. They told me it might be in a tube, follow up in another week. Well, that changed everything, I at that moment was scared and I didn’t want to lose it. Richard became supportive and told me becoming a dad scares him, but he’s willing. At the time we were both in complicated open relationships.

I did tell my significant other who supported me to make any choice I wanted, including raising it with me. His girlfriend was not so nice, I then found out it was a little less open then I knew about. I took the fall for him. I let her attack me verbally. She said she’d take him back if I had the abortion. I loved Richard, as a friend, I wanted to see him truly happy I knew what I needed to do.

We went back the baby was healthy, the doctor didn’t turn the screen enough so I saw it after requesting not to. I took my pills, we drove back (2hours), and that was the last time I saw Richard. He put his hand on my shoulder while I sat on my recliner. I wanted to punch him and hug him at the same time. So I sat there dead inside. I waited the maximum amount of time to take the second pill and exceeded my doctors note. I had to return to work, while driving there, he informed me once it passed, our friendship was over. I told him to I didn’t need him anymore. I did though, I ended up passing it at the bathroom at work alone and scared. I still see it when I close my eyes.

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One response to “Drop in the Ocean”

  1. Nicola

    This is heartbreaking. I feel angry that nobody seemed to support you, and that you had to go through that alone and at work. I hope you are doing better now. Sending love, sister.

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