Drop in the Ocean

Submitted by: Invisible Girl

My would-be due date is coming up around the corner. It has felt a bit lonely. Most people in my life are not pro-choice. I know I did the best thing for the sperm donor I called my best friend (Richard, whose name I replaced) but sometimes I wonder if I did the best thing for me.

Two weeks after my pregnancy test was positive, ee went to the clinic to find out our options. They could not find anything but I definitely tested positive. They told me it might be in a tube, follow up in another week. Well, that changed everything, I at that moment was scared and I didn’t want to lose it. Richard became supportive and told me becoming a dad scares him, but he’s willing. At the time we were both in complicated open relationships.

I did tell my significant other who supported me to make any choice I wanted, including raising it with me. His girlfriend was not so nice, I then found out it was a little less open then I knew about. I took the fall for him. I let her attack me verbally. She said she’d take him back if I had the abortion. I loved Richard, as a friend, I wanted to see him truly happy I knew what I needed to do.

We went back the baby was healthy, the doctor didn’t turn the screen enough so I saw it after requesting not to. I took my pills, we drove back (2hours), and that was the last time I saw Richard. He put his hand on my shoulder while I sat on my recliner. I wanted to punch him and hug him at the same time. So I sat there dead inside. I waited the maximum amount of time to take the second pill and exceeded my doctors note. I had to return to work, while driving there, he informed me once it passed, our friendship was over. I told him to I didn’t need him anymore. I did though, I ended up passing it at the bathroom at work alone and scared. I still see it when I close my eyes.

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One response to “Drop in the Ocean”

  1. Nicola

    This is heartbreaking. I feel angry that nobody seemed to support you, and that you had to go through that alone and at work. I hope you are doing better now. Sending love, sister.

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