Here if You Need Me

Note: The Exhale Pro-Voice After-Abortion Stories Hub includes people’s stories of their experiences and emotions, exactly as they have written them in. We do not edit these stories at all, and the content that follows this message is exactly as we received it. We know that people’s experiences are complex, and these stories reflect the many emotions they may be feeling after their abortions. From relief to grief, and everything in between, and all at the same time, we’re here for you.

Here if you need me.

Wow. It has been a while since I have logged on to this site.

Tonight I am just having one of those nights where I am thinking about my experience and feeling for those who have felt what I have felt before. I came across an entry I shared a few months back. I was at a very low point where I felt like everything was falling apart. I am glad to say those feelings have mostly gone away.

I think anyone who goes through an abortion can agree that emotions come and go in waves. Sometimes we feel such relief, other times pure sadness, and sometimes just confusion. I don’t think that will ever stop. It’s something we will always have to deal with but we just fight to stay strong and learn how to cope better but it does get easier.

I am at a totally different place mentally than I was when I wrote my last entry and I am doing so much better. I’m not saying there will never be another time when I feel like that again, but I think I am slowly realizing that the decision I made is not one I can change ever, but one I can reflect on and learn from. I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I want anyone who is reading this to know that the darkness will fade. Things will make sense. It’s not always easy but you are strong and you can pull yourself out of whatever dark hole you have ended up in. If you are reading this and you are struggling, I am here for you and I am sure many other people on this site are as well. Talk to someone. Text the helpline. Leave a comment on my post. We are all in this together, and I am happy to be a listening ear for anyone.

If you are reading this, it is your sign that life goes on and happiness can always be found. Sending my love.

Submitted by: Violet

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5 responses to “Here if You Need Me”

  1. EmilyKim

    What a caring and loving post. I’m about to take pills in a couple weeks and going in for my pre-abortion ultrasound today – working up the courage to hear the baby’s heart but not look at the ultrasound. I used to paint abortion and related issues in black and white but you only realize all the shades of grey when you’re at the center of it all. We are so privileged to have a choice we can make on abortion. I’m reminding myself that any guilt and negative feelings I’ll feel are a testament to me being a good human being, but it’s so reassuring to hear that one can eventually move on and reflect on it in a less negative way. Thank you.

    Reply
  2. manuela

    I feel very identified with your words and after living an experience like these, I have compassion and empathy for the people who are struggling with this decision.

    Reply
  3. Joy

    I really needed this right now, I just took my abortion pills and I know having a child while i’m still in uni is not a good thing but I still feel so bad that considered having an abortion even though I have a supportive boyfriend (he doesn’t want me to get an abortion so I secretly took my pills). Though my family won’t accept if they find out that I am pregnant.

    Reply
  4. Presley

    This was very helpful to me tonight. I am still going through the abortion process. I had an incomplete abortion meaning the pill didn’t completely work and expel everything. I went to the ER hoping that they could reverse it and was crushed when the doctor told me the process had already begun and my body was going to continue to miscarry for the next few days.
    I’ve been feeling absolutely horrible with hating myself, hurting, regret, wishing I could go back, the unrealistic hope like what if God could still save it and I could continue on to have a healthy pregnancy.. I know that’s not an option after speaking with the doctor. I feel like I am in a very dark place, almost like I will never feel emotions again, just this numb, dark feeling. I’m worried I will regret this and hate myself forever. Thank you for sharing to feel I am not alone.

    Reply
  5. Anon

    This is really beautiful Violet and such a lovely testament of your kind and caring nature for you to pay it forward and give those in the thick of the struggle hope. I agree, the feelings do change over time. It takes work to move forward in the healing, but I believe we can come out stronger and more aligned with the reason we made the decision we did. Life is pain and when we can face it head on, only then can we move on from it. I see good things to come for us all. We are brave women who made the most difficult of decisions. Let that decision not be in vain. I believe we can truly thrive after our abortions. xoxox

    Reply

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