Inhale and Exhale

Submitted by: Anonymous

I just had a D&E done today. I found out this past Saturday and it hasn’t been a full 6 days and I’m already done. It’s a lot of feelings, and usually I’m very articulate with what I’m going through. Usually helping my friends through whatever they’re going through.

I’m really caught up on how I wasn’t scared going in, just anxious to get it over with. I went to Planned Parenthood and everyone was really pleasant. I sat with the dilator medication with my support person, and another girl waiting with hers. She asked me kind of incredulously “you aren’t scared?” And I trailed off about how I compartmentalize things differently.

They took me back and I waited, which was a wee nerve racking. Remembering to inhale and exhale. They came back and gave me my sedation and pain medication. I don’t remember really anything from the procedure except the parts that were exceptionally painful/uncomfortable, and when the last painful bit happened I just started crying. Like non stop. Not hysterically but so many tears. I kept apologizing. And when they took me back to recovery I couldn’t stop. Then my support person came. More tears and choking and apologizing and trying to not cry like a maniac when other girls are coming back for procedures. Still remembering to inhale and exhale.

When they gave me the go ahead to leave I was up and ready (still woozy) but very ready to leave. And fast forward to all the napping and eating and ibuprofen. I figured I’d look up where all these tears came from. And I guess it was just a part of how I’m processing it. But if anyone reads this and has or had this experience I want you to know I don’t think I’m crazy and neither are you.