Logic vs. Desire

Note: The Exhale Pro-Voice After-Abortion Stories Hub includes people’s stories of their experiences and emotions, exactly as they have written them in. We do not edit these stories at all, and the content that follows this message is exactly as we received it. We know that people’s experiences are complex, and these stories reflect the many emotions they may be feeling after their abortions. From relief to grief, and everything in between, and all at the same time, we’re here for you.

Submitted by: Kristen

My boyfriend and I have been together 10 months. Well, sort of. He travels out of town for work and we see each other 2-3 weekends a month. I got my copper IUD out because it was causing terrible pain and periods, and went on the pill. As it turns out, the pill makes me a crazy person now in my 30’s, so I decided just to wing it and use condoms.

I knew the second he didn’t pull out that we had just made a pregnancy. I grappled with getting Plan B the next 2 days, but my 7-year-old was being very needy that weekend and I just didn’t get to it. I figured since I was only on day 8 of my cycle, there was no way I was right and I should just calm down.

During the next 2 weeks, I was so tired. So hungry and exhausted and I knew that feeling. I waited a few days and took a test, and that pink line popped up and waved hello to me. It was dread and excitement and anxiety all in one. My boyfriend was so excited.

The dates started to sink in. My boyfriend would deploy with the Army in November. I’d be due in January. He’d be back by August. That’s 3 months of my pregnancy – alone. Six months of raising a baby – alone. I wanted to raise a baby with him, not by myself.

I never thought I could be someone who decided on abortion. I was always pro-choice, but knowing I’d never make that choice. I’m filled with regret, but in my logical brain, I know I made the right decision for my existing family. My boyfriend is hurt, upset, and minimizing of the hardship the baby would have caused me and my son. I just hope this all gets easier.

You deserve nonjudgmental
after-abortion support.

Text Exhale Pro-Voice:


Our confidential textline is available in the US and Canada and is staffed during the following hours:

Weekdays: 3 pm-9 pm (Pacific Time)
Saturdays: 1 pm-9 pm (Pacific Time)
Sundays: 3 pm-7 pm (Pacific Time)

Se habla español.
Due to high text volume, please expect a response within 24 hours.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *