Loss

Submitted by: Lori

Tomorrow marks one week that I had my first and hopefully only abortion. It was the day before my birthday too. This was my first pregnancy and I found out I was pregnant too late to take the pill. I was 12 1/2 weeks. It came as complete shock and cried so much. The condom and plan b had failed.

Why did this happen? My experience at planned parenthood was great, I am so thankful for all the staff being judgment free, kind, and walked me thru everything. I got the sedation so I wouldn’t feel anything. I was still scared and nervous about the procedure. It was over quickly. I felt relieved.

But the days after I would cry. I chose abortion because I knew 100% it was the best decision. The father did not want the child, I have no family to help me if I were to keep it, I barely make enough money to support myself, covid 19 going on, and other reasons. But why did I still feel guilty? I saw the ultrasound and kept thinking about what the baby would have looked like. Mothers day made me feel sad. I should have been celebrating. My body is healing from the procedure and I worry if I will be ok.

On top of it all, my partner no longer wanted anything to do with me even though he wanted me to get an abortion.He said we were still good but , he ended up ghosting me. This only makes me feel more upset about the situation. I see other people I know on social media posting pics of their pregnancy and their man. I envy them. Pregnancy should have been a happy thing for me and my partner. But it wasn’t the case. Why couldn’t I have that? I’m not sure how to deal with all of this. I’ve been trying to do things that make me happy like movies or going for walks… but I end up crying anyway.