Submitted by: Kay
I’m struggling. We make good money, my kids are 3 and 1. I have always wanted a 3rd child especially with a miscarriage I had in between my 1st two. I was so excited to be pregnant. My husband wasn’t thrilled but just going along. He was sick when we conceived. I found out I was pregnant at 3 weeks 6 days.
That night, my stomach dropped. I just thought I had ruined my life. I thought the attention I give my kids would now be gone. I thought there was going to be something wrong with the pregnancy or with the baby or with me. I felt an overwhelming sense of dread, like something really bad was going to happen. I took a week trying to convince myself to keep the baby. I cried, I prayed, I screamed.
My husband was super supportive about the abortion. He said, “you’ve had 3 other pregnancies and you’ve never had these feelings”. I’ve always been intuitive. I’ve always known things would happen before they happened and I just felt like something was wrong. I had to do it fast because I wanted to make sure the embryo didn’t have a heartbeat. We did it at 4 weeks 6 days. No heartbeat. Immediately after, I regretted it.
I felt betrayed by the pro-choice community. I felt like I ruined my life. It’s been 4 months. I still think about it A LOT. I don’t know if we should try for a third but I want one so Deeply. What is the universe trying to tell me? I’m so confused. I’m so sick of “you’re brave. You made the right decision at the right time” it gets old. I just want someone to say “YOU MADE THE FUCKING RIGHT DECISION” “YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG” “I’VE HAD AN ABORTION MYSELF AND YOU WILL MOVE PAST THIS”.