Submitted by: IH

It’s been 8 months since I had my abortion and it’s one of the biggest regrets of my life. I found out that I was pregnant the day after my 20th birthday.

Having been diagnosed with PCOS at 15, I was told it would be harder for me to conceive, and that I would most likely need treatment when I was older and wanting to start a family. So when the 2 lines came up on my test, the pure shock but also the excitement I immediately felt outweighed the negative feelings that I had. I told my boyfriend that afternoon that I was pregnant, and I could instantly tell he was not on the same page as me and did not want this pregnancy. We kept going back and forth that day, talking about the pros and cons.

He said he would be there if I chose to keep the pregnancy, but it was something he really didn’t want. The next day I ended up in the hospital due to cramping and bleeding, and that’s when I decided I needed to tell my mum. I was met with so much anger, and she told me she didn’t want to be a grandma yet. However, it got worse when I had to keep going back to the hospital for scans due to them initially thinking I was having an ectopic pregnancy.

I remember coming away with a scan photo, and my boyfriend saying a part of him wanted the baby. He said I had to do what I thought was right, which was such a tough decision. When I got home, I told my mum that we were considering having the baby. She instantly flipped and told me to tell my dad if that’s what my intentions were. I remember sitting there and telling him and instantly. I could see the hatred in his eyes. I was met with so much anger and abuse every day for a week straight.

My parents forced me to talk for hours about what I was going to do. When I suggested ways I could manage with a baby, they told me that I’d no longer be welcome to live at home. My car (which my dad bought) would be taken away from me, I would be left with nothing and they wouldn’t have any more to do with me. I was told that no one in my family would want anything to do with me. They said that my grandmother and uncles would hate me for being pregnant and not being married. I was told that because my boyfriend said that he didn’t want the pregnancy at first, I should do the right thing and terminate.

I was bullied into having an abortion. I ended up feeling that there was no alternative and I didn’t have the strength to walk away from my family. I was told that I’d be affecting so many peoples lives with this child and not necessarily in a good way. They knew I didn’t want to have a termination, yet they told me I was doing the right thing by everyone because “sometimes we have to make sacrifices and do things we don’t like the idea of doing “.

I think the worst part was when I went to pick up the tablets on a Friday. I didn’t take the first one by Sunday, and my mum refused to speak to me until I took it. She got extremely angry saying that I was only making it harder for myself and everyone else. After I took the first one I knew I knew I regretted it, however both my mum and dad said it was too late to go back now and me take the second tablet. Even now I still struggle to forgive them for what they did to me and how I was treated.

My boyfriend constantly gets upset about how he wishes he had been there for me more and how he wished he hadn’t let other people’s opinions weigh so much on his decision. If we had our time again I would 100% have kept the baby and not cared about what other people thought and it has been a very valuable lesson. I won’t let other people’s opinions and decisions be the biggest factor in my own, but most importantly stick to my gut instinct even if it means to be selfish and do what’s best for yourself.