Submitted by: Lauren

I found out I was pregnant at only 4 weeks, and knew at that moment that I didn’t want to keep it.

I have 2 kids of my own (the smallest 1 years old), and a step daughter. My relationship has been toxic and abusive, and I knew there was not enough of me to take care of another child. I felt no emotional connection and couldn’t imagine any other option.

My boyfriend wanted me to keep it and was against abortion. I felt so afraid of the confrontation and confused that I waited 16 weeks until I finally went through with the surgical procedure. The night before, I spoke to my bf and told him how it was what I thought was best, and he promised to support me and be there for me.

The procedure was uncomfortable and traumatic. Waiting so long made it even more horrid to experience. I felt so alone in the room and I forced myself not to cry that day. I disconnected myself from the procedure and the baby inside me.

My boyfriend was not supportive and told me once I took the pills that he “would have made it happen,” and not to say it was for best for us. It’s been almost a month and I haven’t had the strength to retell the story or experience, and just thinking about it makes me tearful.

I know it was the best decision but it still makes me feel guilty and sad. I see people announce their pregnancies and I envy the strength they have. I feel empty and alone when I think back. I constantly remind myself that not all good decisions will be easy ones.