Mom of 2 toddlers had medical abortion at less than 5 weeks

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Submitted by: Keely

I don’t know where to start. I am so empty inside. I feel so sad. I had my IUD taken out a couple of months ago bc I was getting bad acne, but I do want a 3rd child.

My husband was not on board for 3rd yet, but agreeable to talk about it in next year. We were following the calendar and avoiding ovulation days. I was 2 days late and took a test. Immediately it was positive, even before I set it on the counter to time it. I just thought, “sh!t.” I called my husband and was just like “I can’t believe it. I don’t think I want to be pregnant now.”

We talked about it for a bit that night and then both agreed timing wasn’t right. We’ve moved across country twice in last year, we’re in tiny apartment in one of the most expensive cities in the US, we have a 1 year old and 3 year old, and my husband didn’t get the raise we were expecting for next year. I called planned parenthood next day, they could get me in within 20 min. I rushed there. Took the pill. I was like a robot. So calculating and logical. Since then I have been a mess. I want a 3rd baby! I want this baby. I want a time machine. Why didn’t I give myself 24 hours to think it over? Why did I just go with my initial panic reaction?

Planned parenthood was lovely, but I wish they would have forced me to wait or think about it. I was less than 5 weeks and had just taken the pregnancy test about 12 hours earlier. I am full of regret and am worried that I will never forgive myself. I wish I could got back in time & change my decision. My husband feels relief and feels that we made logical decision. He wants to get his work on track and have us settled in bigger house. He is open to trying again in 6-12 months. But will I ever get over this? Can I ever be okay with this decision?

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9 responses to “Mom of 2 toddlers had medical abortion at less than 5 weeks”

  1. Talia

    Hi Keely. I’m 6 months out from my abortion and feel the same. I know this was a while ago but I feel like my maternal instincts were ripped from me with my 2 older daughters. How are you now? Any chance for healing here? I don’t want to say how terrible this is and I don’t want to reopen your wounds but if you could let me know 4 years post this that there is hope. Thank you.

  2. Kay

    Keely how are you doing?!? some days it gets better when I am chasing both my children around to put on their shoes and my husband is gone on deployment and I just think, “thank God” I was given a choice because this is hard. Another baby could’ve destroyed my family.
    Then on other days, I see something on tv or my pregnant cousin who is due the same time I was supposed
    To be due and feel sad. I go over all the reasons I want to be pregnant again and feel so guilty and shameful and empty.
    I think it gets better over time though. I wanted to get pregnant again right away but I keep telling myself why I stopped my pregnancy in the first place. You have to remind yourself of all the reasons you chose it. Maybe something was saving you and your family.

    1. Talia Gaglione

      Hey I know it’s years later. In same boat. Looking to talk to someone who’s been in this boat.

  3. Kay

    I’m in the SAME exact position. Three months later still waiting for relief 🙁

    1. Keely

      Kay. I hope you are doing better. I am still struggling so much. Everyday I feel regret, loss, and sorrow. I do not feel any relief and I think I have ruined my life. I am not sure I can feel happy again. I can barely look at my kids. Can’t stop grieving. I cannot believe I flushed a life down the toilet. I am so mad at myself. And sad at the person I am, that apparently I can’t deal with a happy surprise or embrace something unplanned. I am desperate to be pregnant again, but over 5 weeks out I am still +hpt and no period. I have a 2nd follow up next week bc this is all abnormal…which makes me even more sad. How do I live with this? How are you coping?

      1. Jen

        Was wondering how you are doing? I’m looking for someone to talk to I just had medical abortion as well

        1. Kay

          Keely, how can I get in touch with you? 🙁 keep coming back here to check. I will write you.

      2. Andy

        Hey how r you doing? I’m going through something similar 🙁

        1. Talia Gaglione

          Hey I know it’s a while ago. And this is 4 years later but is there a chance to answer here for some answers 😢

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