Note: The Exhale Pro-Voice After-Abortion Stories Hub includes people’s stories of their experiences and emotions, exactly as they have written them in. We do not edit these stories at all, and the content that follows this message is exactly as we received it. We know that people’s experiences are complex, and these stories reflect the many emotions they may be feeling after their abortions. From relief to grief, and everything in between, and all at the same time, we’re here for you.

Submitted by: Constance

I’m 27 years old and contemplating abortion. I was just recently engaged back in Dec 2018 to a man that I’ve been with for almost 3 years now. I love him so much, I cannot imagine life without him. Before we were engaged, we had talked about pregnancy and if I happened to get pregnant what we would do. For the record he is against it and I’m pro choice, but we had decided at that point we would keep it and at the time I was okay with this, and almost indifferent to the idea, because I was in a really great place mentally and physically.

We weren’t trying to have a baby, but weren’t being very careful either. Looking back, this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done, because I didn’t think about the implications or anything at all. 2019 rolled around and things started to change in my heart. I realized that I’m not exactly where I want to be in my career, nor am I completely financially stable. I spoke with my fiancée about this, and explained how I was feeling and he understood. We stopped having unprotected sex, except for one time.

January 19th was the last first day of my period which would mean that I’m now 4 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I can’t believe it. I’m lost and totally not ready for this. I think deep down inside I thought that I couldn’t get pregnant because I’ve always had period issues, so this really wasn’t expected.

In my mind, I decided that I wasn’t having a baby, and that I needed to focus more on getting to where I want to be, and then when I feel more prepared, we would have a child. So, what do I do? I found out almost one week ago and I haven’t told him yet, because it will likely end our relationship, and I’m also not ready for that.

The more and more I think about it, I was never ready for a baby in the first place and I think I was just going along with it because I knew its what he wanted. But, here is the truth: His career is established, he has no debt, he is 4 years older than me and he is on cloud 9 to be engaged to me. I have debt, lots of debt, and I’m not where I want to be physically or emotionally. My line of work is very stressful and until I get money in the bank, I’m generally always stressed out. I cannot bring a child into this world that I cannot take care of properly. I don’t want to leave my house because of all these god-awful symptoms, and I don’t know how to deal with this.

I never thought in a million years that it would affect me this much, but it has, and I’m a mess about everything. I haven’t told him and I’ve scheduled an abortion early March. I don’t know what to do because if I tell him our relationship will be over and I know that because all he wants to be is a dad. He has literally said that to me numerous times and of course I want to be a mom, but not at 27. I want to be married, I want a house, I want to feel good about myself and be healthy. It’s so easy for him to put this on me, because it’s not his body or career. Its mine. So what do I do? Do I tell him and then our relationship ends or do I keep it to myself and just handle it alone. I’m lost. Anyway have advice?

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3 responses to “Mrs.”

  1. Mallory

    I think it’s important for you to express exactly what you said here to him. If he truly loves you, as he says he does, he’ll be supportive in whatever you KNOW is the right decision for yourself.

  2. Jermaine

    Girl, I’m so sorry you’re in this position. I’m in a similar position as you except my husband isn’t ready and it would be bad for the child to grow up as an obligation and not wanted. I have my appointment in 9 days for termination. I’m only 4 w 5 days. I read somewhere that you can always have another baby when you are ready after an abortion but you cannot undo having a child. That made it clear to me. If you aren’t ready, you aren’t ready. He should understand your place and value your decision. Make the best decision for you. If you don’t want to tell him, don’t. But if you plan on telling him after, that might be a bigger problem than if you talk with him before. Good luck to you with whatever you choose/have chosen. Hugs.

    1. Care

      “You can always have another baby when you are ready after an abortion but you cannot undo having a child.”

      Thank you so much for this. I am having regrets because of my age, but if I were pregnant right now, it’s possible I’d be having even worse regrets because I wasn’t sure about the person. Life goes on either way. I am sad but was likely to be sad either way.

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