Submitted by: Constance

I’m 27 years old and contemplating abortion. I was just recently engaged back in Dec 2018 to a man that I’ve been with for almost 3 years now. I love him so much, I cannot imagine life without him. Before we were engaged, we had talked about pregnancy and if I happened to get pregnant what we would do. For the record he is against it and I’m pro choice, but we had decided at that point we would keep it and at the time I was okay with this, and almost indifferent to the idea, because I was in a really great place mentally and physically.

We weren’t trying to have a baby, but weren’t being very careful either. Looking back, this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done, because I didn’t think about the implications or anything at all. 2019 rolled around and things started to change in my heart. I realized that I’m not exactly where I want to be in my career, nor am I completely financially stable. I spoke with my fiancée about this, and explained how I was feeling and he understood. We stopped having unprotected sex, except for one time.

January 19th was the last first day of my period which would mean that I’m now 4 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I can’t believe it. I’m lost and totally not ready for this. I think deep down inside I thought that I couldn’t get pregnant because I’ve always had period issues, so this really wasn’t expected.

In my mind, I decided that I wasn’t having a baby, and that I needed to focus more on getting to where I want to be, and then when I feel more prepared, we would have a child. So, what do I do? I found out almost one week ago and I haven’t told him yet, because it will likely end our relationship, and I’m also not ready for that.

The more and more I think about it, I was never ready for a baby in the first place and I think I was just going along with it because I knew its what he wanted. But, here is the truth: His career is established, he has no debt, he is 4 years older than me and he is on cloud 9 to be engaged to me. I have debt, lots of debt, and I’m not where I want to be physically or emotionally. My line of work is very stressful and until I get money in the bank, I’m generally always stressed out. I cannot bring a child into this world that I cannot take care of properly. I don’t want to leave my house because of all these god-awful symptoms, and I don’t know how to deal with this.

I never thought in a million years that it would affect me this much, but it has, and I’m a mess about everything. I haven’t told him and I’ve scheduled an abortion early March. I don’t know what to do because if I tell him our relationship will be over and I know that because all he wants to be is a dad. He has literally said that to me numerous times and of course I want to be a mom, but not at 27. I want to be married, I want a house, I want to feel good about myself and be healthy. It’s so easy for him to put this on me, because it’s not his body or career. Its mine. So what do I do? Do I tell him and then our relationship ends or do I keep it to myself and just handle it alone. I’m lost. Anyway have advice?