My Baby Saved Me

Soft grey stones

Note: The Exhale Pro-Voice After-Abortion Stories Hub includes people’s stories of their experiences and emotions, exactly as they have written them in. We do not edit these stories at all, and the content that follows this message is exactly as we received it. We know that people’s experiences are complex, and these stories reflect the many emotions they may be feeling after their abortions. From relief to grief, and everything in between, and all at the same time, we’re here for you.

Submitted by: M


I have not allowed myself to grieve your loss. I still cannot believe that I had to make the choice to terminate my pregnancy. You were a healthy and strong baby, but I could not bring you into a world of chaos. You were a surprise, but conceived with a man I was engaged to. We were both financially ready to welcome a baby, and I dreamt of being a mother for over a decade. I was thrilled to finally be a mother, your mother. I felt you were going to be a boy, fiercely protective of your family. And, in your own unique way, you were.

R, the man I was engaged to, was not able to protect me from his family who was forcing me to convert to Islam. I was blindsided by this requirement. I did go through the motions of “accepting Islam” to avoid a stressful pregnancy, but the “conversion” took a toll on me. I felt like I was being stripped of my cultural identity, my freedom, and my dignity. I felt reduced. I felt trapped.

R’s family shamed me and gave him ultimatums. No one acknowledged or prioritized how delicate a pregnancy is, and the support needed to ensure the baby and mom’s health. I felt alone and I was fighting for my sanity. I ended up in the ER because I was suicidal. That was the turning point for me; I knew I was not in the mental space to welcome you. As a mother, I made what I knew was the best decision for you.

You protected me because you showed me the character of the man I was committing my life to. You saved me from killing myself. R left on a road trip two days after my procedure: I was 16 weeks along and had to go into the hospital alone because of COVID. I called off the engagement.

I have not taken the time to truly face the loss — all of the acute loss. This is the first time I have written in over 8 months. This feels like a release, a start to the healing.

A, I love you.

You deserve nonjudgmental
after-abortion support.

Text Exhale Pro-Voice:


Our confidential textline is available in the US and Canada and is staffed during the following hours:

Weekdays: 3 pm-9 pm (Pacific Time)
Saturdays: 1 pm-9 pm (Pacific Time)
Sundays: 3 pm-7 pm (Pacific Time)

Se habla español.
Due to high text volume, please expect a response within 24 hours.

2 responses to “My Baby Saved Me”

  1. H

    Hope your healing well. You’re brave for telling your story.

  2. Ellie

    Thank you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *