Submitted by Sarah Jane
Well, here it is. My theoretical due date is right around the corner….and I am not doing well with it. I realize it’s unhealthy to count, to think about my alternative life like this. But every time I see a protruding pregnant belly, I feel like someone has kicked me in the guts. “Look how happy she is”, I think. “I wish I could have been happy about it”.
My life is lacking focus. Work is becoming mundane. I am in need for something to challenge me, keep me stimulated and driven. Maybe culinary school. Maybe a move to a new city. Something else needs to fill this void, something to better myself.
On social media everyone I know seems to be getting married, pregnant, or raising a child…..while I’m busy getting a long-overdue divorce and dealing with my post-abortion emotions. I am not in a good head space. And for a normally up-beat person, people are noticing. I beat myself up a lot. My shell has hardened. I have changed because of this experience….as we all have.
My friends listen, but I know they don’t want to hear about it. They hug me and wipe away my tears but they don’t FEEL the confusion I feel. They just don’t KNOW.
This community has been just what I need. Stories and lives that are like mine. You ladies know it was the right choice for you, just like I know it was for me.
Thank you ladies, for being here. For reading this. For your kindness and support and sharing. Thank you. I feel better already.