I had an abortion and my EX told everybody about it

Note: The Exhale Pro-Voice After-Abortion Stories Hub includes people’s stories of their experiences and emotions, exactly as they have written them in. We do not edit these stories at all, and the content that follows this message is exactly as we received it. We know that people’s experiences are complex, and these stories reflect the many emotions they may be feeling after their abortions. From relief to grief, and everything in between, and all at the same time, we’re here for you.

Submitted by: Jessica

I was 22 years old when my boyfriend and I became pregnant.

We always used condoms every single time. He wanted me to get on actual birth control, but as crazy as it sounds, I wanted to save unprotected sex for my future husband. It was something that I felt was the right choice, and nothing was going to change that.

But my boyfriend was in the Marine Corps Reserve, and in 2015 he had orders to ship out to Iraq for one year. He wanted to have unprotected sex with me just one time before he left, specifically the night before. He of course promised to do the pull-out method. I conceded, and my plan was on buying Plan B the day after. I’m not sure why I did not buy this the day before or the week before — maybe because I was afraid of what the pharmacist would think of me…

There was nothing good about that night for me. He did not pull out…at all! I remember having tears coming from my eyes, and I remember him apologizing for doing that. I’m sure he meant to do it, I really don’t doubt that, but I trusted him and that in itself is very painful.

It took me 42 hours before I took Plan B. The pharmacy wasn’t open in the morning, but I did go during my lunch break but they didn’t have it in stock. I had a friend who worked at the other pharmacy location, so that was off limits. In the end I had to wait until the next day to drive the 13 miles to the next town. Thankfully they had it. Needless to say, I was stressed!

Second week of July 2015 and I get a positive pregnancy test. I went to a different store, bought a different pregnancy test along with a bag of Fritos, and that came back positive as well. I called my boyfriend, who was at that time in San Diego, and I told him that I was pregnant. The first thing he said was, “Do you plan on keeping it?” I hung up on him.

This is the part of my story where I tell you that I am a Christian, I was raised pro-life, I was a member of the church, I even played guitar for the church youth band back in high school.

I went to a Pregnancy Care Center, finding out that I was 6 weeks 5 days pregnant. I looked at the ultrasound, I heard the heartbeat. The counselor talked with me about the best way on telling my parents, what I should do next, and what to expect from all of this. She never mentioned abortion, and I’m sure everybody already knows that a Pregnancy Care Center is anti-abortion, so this was not surprising.

I would talk to that counselor off and on for the next couple weeks, not telling anybody else about anything other than what I originally told my boyfriend. Then one day I found myself sick of listening to this counselor, the way she was all positive about everything and how this was a great thing for me and how my family will love me and blah blah blah blah blah! I hung up on her as well.

A few days later is when I made the hardest phone call ever, and that was calling Planned Parenthood. I’ll tell you right now that talking with the person on the other end of the line was very comforting. She never was pushy about anything or trying to tell me what I should or should not do. She just simply listened to what I asked, and that’s what she did. Of course, it’s Planned Parenthood, I guess that’s their job, right?

I called my boyfriend and told him that I made an appointment for an abortion, and I could immediately hear on how happy he was that I chose that option. I didn’t hang up on him this time, it was kind of nice to hear him being his normal self and to listen to him about how things were going. For me that phone call brought everything back to some kind of normalcy.

I never told my parents, I never told any of my friends, I never told my pastor, I just never told anybody else at all. I didn’t want to be known as the good Christian girl who had an abortion, but of course I did not want to be known as the good Christian girl who had a baby out of marriage either.

The day before my appointment and I realized that I was going to be 11 weeks 2 days pregnant. The two-week delay with the Pregnancy Care Center definitely did not help! The additional delay in calling Planned Parenthood didn’t help. The delay in getting the appointment with Planned Parenthood didn’t help!

Before this pregnancy even happened, I would wonder why women would have an abortion, and I would wonder why they would wait so long to get one, but here I was understanding both of those reasons why.

I called my boyfriend the night before, but he never did answer. Maybe he was busy? Or maybe he just didn’t want to talk to me? I don’t know.

August 12th 2015, 13 days before my 23rd birthday, was when I drove 147 miles to a Planned Parenthood to have a surgical abortion. I did it on my own, and I did it because I knew I had to. My boyfriend didn’t want the baby, I wasn’t entirely sure if I wanted the baby, I know for a fact that I didn’t want anybody to know that I had a baby, and I just wanted to get it done and forget about it. Does that make me a monster? I don’t know.

I was given the option at looking at the ultrasound, I declined. That was painful moment, knowing that I was not going to change my mind and that I was going to do this.

The procedure itself was mentally challenging but it wasn’t physically painful. It had its moments, especially near the end, but I’ve been through worse. I felt mostly embarrassed by what was going on, having your legs spread for a doctor to remove a pregnancy is not the greatest of feelings.

And for those thinking about having an abortion let me say that it’s the buildup to the procedure that is the most challenging, but just know that it’s a very simply procedure. I never felt judged, not once! The staff were incredible, the nurse who held my hand was awesome! The doctor was a beautiful young woman who was very calm and respectful, and she talked me through the entire procedure. I was raised to believe that Planned Parenthood was basically of the devil, but these people were all wonderful people.

My boyfriend texted me a few hours later wanting to know if I did it. That was the only line that he said in that text, he didn’t ask me how I felt or if I was okay or how did it go, he just wanted to know if I did it.

Two weeks later and I go to the local Planned Parenthood and get another ultrasound just to make sure that everything was good, and it was. That was a bit painful for me to be honest, 7 weeks ago I saw the image of the ultrasound and I heard the heartbeat, and yet now there wasn’t anything there at all. I think that’s when it hit me on what I did, That I was no longer pregnant. I paid $590 for an abortion, and it was finished.

For the next few months I had my moments of grief and sadness, but I think any woman who goes through an abortion will probably go through that same scenario.

Over the next year my boyfriend and I would just start ending our relationship, he was in Iraq, communication was difficult, and I honestly wasn’t that big of a fan of him anymore. I saw him in a different light, and it clearly wasn’t going to work between us.

He comes back to the States, and I did see him and say hello, but that was it. I had moved on and I was done with him. He would try to get together with me over the next few weeks but I eventually blocked him on Facebook and my cell.

And then there was this one night, 12:45 a.m., where my mom called me. “DID YOU HAVE AN ABORTION?!?!?” My ex-boyfriend told my mom and most of my friends on Facebook that we became pregnant last year, and I decided that I didn’t want it and that I had an abortion. He then added that he broke up with me because he didn’t like the decision that I made.

I lost a few good friendships out of that. My relationship with my mom became very stressful for the next three years. My Dad tried to remain on my side, but he also did his best on remaining on my mom’s side as well. It was all seriously ugly, and none of it was right.

I had this wonderful relationship with this guy for nearly two years, had unprotected sex with him and became pregnant, and in the end he would tell everybody that it was all my fault.

Fast forward six years, I am 28 years old, I am married, and I am currently 5 months pregnant. I have been married for 16 months now to a wonderful Christian man, and a man who knows what happened and who not only forgives me on my abortion, but understands that abortion can sometimes be the best option.

I now live in a different state, far away from where I was six years ago. I started a whole new life and I am loving it. I’m okay with my decision on abortion. I still have some regrets, which again I think is normal, but I am now married and starting a whole new chapter without having to worry about what was or what could have been. I’m still a Christian, and my husband and I both go to church, but abortion is no longer some ugly sin anymore.

P.S. for anybody thinking about an abortion, just know that Planned Parenthood is not the only place that does abortions. I traveled 147 miles one way for a surgical, only to find out later on that a women’s clinic 20 miles from where I lived did them as well. I had no idea and nobody told me. Just an FYI that may make it easier for you.

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3 responses to “I had an abortion and my EX told everybody about it”

  1. Sabrina

    Thank you for this. This is touching and hits home for me. I had an awful ex bf who did this as well, to his friends this is suppose to be something private. It still hurts me till this day someone that so call loves you & cares about you betrays your trust. Thank you for sharing your story I no longer feel alone. Thank god we have moved forward and we are not with those who do not deserve us. God bless you. I wish to have a beautiful family and outcome like you have. 🙏

    1. Sabrina

      This ex id like to mention it was a pregnancy scare but had already shared news with his friends…

  2. manuela

    love your story, you are an incredible women and make the best decision for you at the time. there are a lot of girls that felt the same things that you, like me. thank you for sharing your story and make us feel less lonely with all this feelings

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