Planned Parenthood: In-Clinic Twilight Sedation at 10 Weeks

Note: The Exhale Pro-Voice After-Abortion Stories Hub includes people’s stories of their experiences and emotions, exactly as they have written them in. We do not edit these stories at all, and the content that follows this message is exactly as we received it. We know that people’s experiences are complex, and these stories reflect the many emotions they may be feeling after their abortions. From relief to grief, and everything in between, and all at the same time, we’re here for you.

Submitted by: Ashley Mar

I told myself I’d write if I had a positive experience.

I found out at 4 weeks. I went back and forth and was promised support of either decision from my boyfriend who is 8 years my senior, but I knew he didn’t want me to have a baby. He was worried about finances and my future because he knew I had big dreams. I felt guilty because I’m 25 and “should be” at a point in my life where I “shouldn’t” have to question whether I can take care of a baby. I postponed my abortion appointment twice. I’m glad I waited as long as I did because if I just took the medication abortion pills at 7 weeks it wouldn’t have been my decision. And could not stomach the idea of hours of medication induced cramping. Had I aborting as soon as I found out, that decision would’ve been fear’s decision or the decision of friends who assumed they needed to support me on the abortion I hadn’t committed to yet.

I’m here to tell you that things have a way of working out, always. I’m fortunate to live in a state that gives pregnant women and their babies great state health care if they need it. I could’ve had a baby if I chose to. I however was not ready to have another obligation right after finally graduating college. My parents are also young, not even 50 year but they love me and would have loved a grandchild. They would’ve supported us. My child and I. They still understood I want more for myself before bringing a child into the world.

The anxiety before the procedure was the worst. The pregnancy symptoms I had up until the procedure were the worst. If you ever have taken a stimulant laxative after pregnancy constipation for two weeks you have already endured pain 50x worse than an in-clinic abortion.

I highly recommend the IV sedation.

It was a standard dose of fentanyl and versed. I was teary waiting for the doctor to come in but relaxed immediately after the nurse started my IV and I defaulted to “in thru your nose and out thru your mouth” breathing. I felt some pressure and tugging, they’ll talk you through it, but that’s it. Just breathe through it. I was still conscious and was able to remind my nurse that during my consultation I agreed to having my first Pap smear done during the procedure. It was over in what felt like less than a minute. I had nexplanon put into my arm when she was finished.

I thought I was going to be miserable after. Scared of fluctuating hormones and regret and depression. A day later and I honestly feel okay. I felt okay immediately after. I was finally able to eat. I slept when I got home, woke up and ate so much pizza. I’m excited for my future.

You also need to be careful of what you read on here. There are still internet trolls trying to scare you, no matter how credible you could think the website is. There are tubes and equipment, but they’re not going to leave your fluids and tissues out in the open for you to see. How ridiculous. The staff at Planned Parenthood Rocky Mountain was so professional and warm. I wouldn’t have rather had my experience anywhere else.

Also, I did ask for them to print my ultrasound, but not to give it to me yet. They honored that and held it in an envelope. I ended up forgetting the envelope on my way out the recovery room. I had the opportunity to go back and get it but opted not to. I don’t regret it. If you’re worried about God or the universe or whatever condemning you, don’t be. All I can say is that I know God, and He loves us. Don’t let anyone make you think having to make this decision defines you.

Get the in-clinic. Opt for the sedation. You will be okay.

You deserve nonjudgmental
after-abortion support.

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