Submitted by: Lacey Carter
I am so glad I found this page and I hope someone can give me some light.
I was with my partner for almost 2 years, the relationship has now ended not long after the abortion. He always told me he can’t wait to have a child, even told me the day before we found out I was pregnant to come off the pill. I suppose I wasn’t always 100% careful with my pill. In the back of my mind, sometimes I liked the thought of giving us a baby as it’s something he always spoke about, so now I feel that this is all my fault for being so stupid.
So we found out, and he was over the moon, my hormones were all over the place and I was moody, had mood swings for no reason and was a pretty terrible person to be around as I was scared and insecure. Which then lead to him all of a sudden changing his mind pretty quickly.
He then came up with so many reasons we couldn’t have the baby, and it all seemed to make sense — “what was I even thinking”. So I kind of agreed, kind of tried to talk him around, then ended up going through with a termination. It was rushed and such a fast turn around. He wanted it done asap, and even said that if I went ahead with it, he wouldn’t support me, and that he was no way having a baby with me.
I decided to go private to get it arranged quicker. It was the worst experience I have ever been through and now I don’t know if I am in regret, I cry every night. I couldn’t risk being a single parent as I already have a child. We were moving, starting a new family and it has all been ripped away so fast! I can’t even bear to see people with babies at the moment.
Will this ever get better? Have I done the right thing not bringing a child into a relationship that wasn’t stable? How do I forgive myself?!