Regret

Note: The Exhale Pro-Voice After-Abortion Stories Hub includes people’s stories of their experiences and emotions, exactly as they have written them in. We do not edit these stories at all, and the content that follows this message is exactly as we received it. We know that people’s experiences are complex, and these stories reflect the many emotions they may be feeling after their abortions. From relief to grief, and everything in between, and all at the same time, we’re here for you.

Submitted by: S D

Is it normal to want to go back and not go through with it?

Today is 3 weeks. 3 weeks of crying all day. Cry when I wake up. Cry throughout the day. Cry myself to sleep.

I just want to go back and not get in the car. I want to stay curled up in bed with the little kicks. And whatever complications came our way, I’m ready to fight them. I’m not scared anymore. I want to go back and not be scared.

I’m so tired of crying. And the days I actually get out of bed to go to work, I just feel, I don’t even know how to explain it. Like everything sounds so far away and I can’t focus and it’s like I’m there physically but I’m just an empty shell. Does anyone know if this gets better? I just miss it so much. And I have no one to talk to. I’m sorry if this is all over the place, my head is just all over the place.

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4 responses to “Regret”

  1. S D

    Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this and reply ❤

    Over a year bubba. A whole year of missing you. Why did I have to be scared? I’m not scared anymore bubba. I thought it would be easy because we weren’t healthy enough to keep going and I thought I was doing the right thing, but it wasn’t easy. I still miss your little kicks and even the terrible morning sickness. I don’t know why this hurts so bad. I just want to go back. I just want you back. I just miss you so much. Please come back. I love you.

    Reply
  2. M

    Awe. This breaks my heart (I am tearing up reading your note). I have not had an abortion, but I was very close to having one last year… my daughter is 1 now. I can’t imagine the exact pain you are feeling – but I know the situation you were facing, and it’s no easy thing. Such a heavy decision. What you are feeling is normal. I hope you find healing <3 Know that your baby loved you so much and you are forgiven. The healing will come in time. There is freedom in healing. <3 I hope you find somebody to talk to and are able to find true healing from your pain and shame. You will be a mama again, and know that you have a beautiful angel up in Heaven and that you will always be a mama of +1 child. <3

    Reply
    1. F

      I’m so so sorry for your pain. I just had my abortion 3 days ago and I would do anything to go back and undo it. It’s horrifying. I so regret it and I had every reason in the world to do it.

      Reply
  3. Ella

    Sending so much hugs and support ❤️ Please know you are not alone. I had my procedure end of June and went into a deep darkness after. Fast forward to now, I have been working with a grievance counselor that specializes in this area and it has helped so much. I am proud of myself each day for working to overcome grief. Please know time will heal ❤️ We will always have them with us in our hearts. I wish that I would have been able to keep mine as well. Things will get better, what also helped me was keeping a journal and writing in it how I felt whenever I felt it. I read other stories of women who understood what I was feeling and going through as well. Sending hugs

    Reply

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