Submitted by: H.
It’s been 6 months. I was less than 5 weeks. It was barely implanted when my husband and I felt we had to have an abortion to “save” our family. We have other children. We have a stressful marriage due to military career. We loved our little seed but we needed to set it free. I needed to be there for my LIVING BREATHING CHILDREN.
The Bible says “life begins at breath” so we believed in our hearts we weren’t doing anything more than one step above birth control. Then why do I feel so awful? Why do I think about it all day everyday? PLEASE. If you’ve had an abortion comment under my post and tell me it gets better, I CAN and WILL move past this. tell me that one day I will be thankful for it. PLEASE. HELP A SISTER OUT!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!
K- One more thing. I was reading through my journal this morning around the time of the procedure and rereading what I wrote in the days afterwords….those first 2 weeks were absolutely brutal. Things started to lift just a little bit after that, but you are in the darkest part right now but I trust it will get easier with time. You’re not alone. Hugs.
Thanks for posting this. I’m 4 months out and feeling these same feelings. I have 3 LIVING BREATHING children and yet all I can think about is what could have been, so much regret. I had an abortion because I wanted other things out of life, to get back to my career, move on from “motherhood” phase of my life, to develop and nurture other parts of me beyond child rearing. Now with the pandemic, it feels like there is no hope out there for me job-wise, that motherhood is all I have now and to be taking care of my children and I wish I hadn’t had the abortion as raising babies now is apparently all I can do. I’m having such tunnel vision about this. Hoping we can both find peace.
Katie, yesssssssss. This pandemic has really messed me up. In some ways it gives me validation because it’s probably not ideal to be pregnant during a pandemic but in other ways since I’m stuck at home with my two toddlers anyways, whats one more? I feel like I ruined my life. I really do hope to feel peace, closure, acceptance. I want to feel confident that I made the RIGHT decision and have ZERO doubts.
I’m glad to hear I’m not alone with these pandemic regrets and thinking what’s one more. I think it’s just that there’s so much time to think and stew. Strangely, I don’t feel any relief with the thought that I’m not pregnant during the pandemic. I feel like crazy hormone lady for all these wild thoughts I’m having. Sigh! I hope you find a little more peace over these days and weeks. Keep me posted.
Katie, same here!!!! My husband thinks I’m crazy for thinking it would be fine to be pregnant now. I guess because people are still having babies and they seem to be fine. I’m sure it is very stressful. I was sooooooo stressed being pregnant and NOT having a Pandemic around me….maybe if I were pregnant now the stress would be too much. Maybe I saved suffering by causing my own suffering. I don’t know. I have so many theories. Nothing is making sense. I need peace. I need to STOP thinking about this 24/7.
Your story sounds very much like mine except I’m less than 2 weeks from when it happened. It’s so painful. The reasons my husband and I came up with made sense before but now all I can see is what could have been and it’s not as scary as it seemed before. My three kids need me to be ok. I need me to be ok but I’m a complete mess right now. I really do hope it get better with time…
Yes our stories are similar. The 3 kids. Sometimes it feels so hard to reconcile how I could terminate this one and deny him/her the experience and pleasure of being part of our family. It just sends me into a spiral of what ifs and regrets so I usually just don’t let myself go down that road.
Anyways, I wanted you to know that I feel so much of what you expressed.
How are you lately?
I wrote you this long reply but it never made it onto here:( I’m not that great but somewhere in me there’s still hope that things will get better…
It will get better. One day
Thank you. I hope you’re right.
Thank you Miranda!
I am so grateful for these stories that are similar to mine. I would have liked a third child but the sense of dread I felt during this pregnancy were too hard to ignore. After close to five years of either pregnancy and/or breastfeeding, I am ready to be me again. However, I now wonder what I was thinking since I have no opportunity to do anything but be a parent right now because of the panic. I feel a horrible sense of loss and sadness. I had only been a week but I feel like I will never be happy again.