Submitted by: Kailey
Hi I’m Kailey. I’m 19 years old, and I wanted to share my story for anyone going through something similar. I recently had an abortion done a month ago, and honestly I didn’t think it was going to be nearly as hard as it was.
I found out I was pregnant when I was 4 and a half weeks. I thought I had a uti and might’ve been getting sick from it as I felt urinary symptoms, pain nausea etc. I went to my local urgent care to get it checked out. I had waited there for 10 hours and they just took urine sample and sat me in the waiting room. As you could assume I was extremely moody I got mad and left the hospital hoping to call my family doctor to get some antibiotics prescribed without having to wait anymore. After going to the pharmacy I was in the wendy’s drive thru and I got a call from the hospital asking why I left. I began ranting to them about how angry I was with the staff and how I was treated there. She stopped me and told me I will need to follow up with my family doctor. I asked why and she said “Your pregnancy test is positive.” I was so shocked I put the phone on speaker and told her to repeat herself so my boyfriend could hear. We both just looked at eachother and I broke down in tears thinking about how there was a growing living baby in my stomach and I had no idea. It was the scariest most surreal night of my life, and the surrealness stuck around the whole time I was pregnant.
My boyfriend was extremely scared and he did not want to carry on with the pregnancy. I was unsure about what I wanted to do the whole time I was pregnant if I’m being honest, but his fear inclined me more towards the abortion route. I felt so sick everyday and I wanted to do absolutely nothing. The feeling I had was that I couldn’t think about anything thoroughly because I was just so shocked. I made the rash decision to get a surgical abortion just two weeks after finding out I was pregnant (6 weeks 1 day along the day of the procedure). Because of Covid-19 I had my abortion alone and it was terrifying. The week after my abortion I didn’t feel hardly any emotion because I had no idea how to process what had just happened. I didn’t even come to terms with the fact that I was pregnant before I had an abortion. I thought it would be an easy process but it’s not at all.
I find myself regretting what I did every day and feeling so selfish. I think of what it could have been. I have flash backs and imagine if I carried on with my pregnancy. I often wonder if it was a girl or a boy. I try to grieve and I can’t let myself because I blame myself for what happened. My question for anyone who’s gone through this is, how do you come to terms with it, and what are some of the ways you help yourself grieve? I was thinking of making a memory box, but again I feel selfish doing that. It’s so fresh as well that maybe time will heal more.
Also just because I felt like maybe it was the wrong idea. I’m so grateful to have the option of what I want to do with my body and I’m so grateful I found this website to read and listen to what other women have experienced.
If you are reading this and feel similar to how I do, we are strong and we will get through this