Two Miscarriages, One Birth and One Abortion

sunset through the rocks

Note: The Exhale Pro-Voice After-Abortion Stories Hub includes people’s stories of their experiences and emotions, exactly as they have written them in. We do not edit these stories at all, and the content that follows this message is exactly as we received it. We know that people’s experiences are complex, and these stories reflect the many emotions they may be feeling after their abortions. From relief to grief, and everything in between, and all at the same time, we’re here for you.

Submitted by: Diana

To my unborn child…..I want you to know that from the minute I found out I was pregnant, I cared for you. You were such a surprise because I thought I could never have children again. Unfortunately, you came at a unpleasant time. Your father and I had just ended our relationship. We were not getting along and I felt it was best for the both of us to go our separate ways.

I thought many nights what life would be like with you here and my instinct told me that there would be a few happy moments but more sad moments. I did not want you to see me and your father fight, I did not want you to experience separate households and the toxicity of a broken family. Your older sister Mya went through that and she did not want you to experience that either. It was not time for you my angel and I’m so sorry that I didn’t get to feel you grow inside of me and meet you on your birthday.

I am saddened that I had to let you go, but please know I was saving you from sadness, conflict and unnecessary stress. The two months you were inside me, I was so sad the whole time, especially the day I made my decision. I cried during and after and I still cry till this day. I cry so much I taste the salt from the tears touching my lips. My breasts are not as sore because my body is learning I no longer have you. My uterus is tender and empty. My morning sickness has gone away and that also makes me cry because it’s a reminder. I feel such guilt but I hope you do not resent me and hope your dad doesn’t either. It was not my intention to hurt anyone.

Your father doesn’t speak to me much anymore and I know he wanted to meet you. I know he is saddened with my decision. You’ll meet your other two sisters in heaven. Know this my angel, just because I did not bring you to this world, does not mean I don’t love you. I love you with all my heart like I love all my children.

Please forgive me one day little one.

Your mom,

You deserve nonjudgmental
after-abortion support.

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