Submitted by: Lisa
I’m a mother of 4. The oldest is 24 and the youngest is 8. Never would I have imagined I would be pregnant again at this stage of my life.
I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 10 years. Although we live together, he’s not supportive in a way that I need him to be. Mentally, I could not raise another child by myself.
I recently had an abortion and it was the worst pain ever. I’ve beaten myself up so much over the pregnancy and abortion that while in recovery, the only thing I could think about was not being brave enough to endure the pain. I deserved it, right?
It’s only been two days after the procedure and the pregnancy symptoms are still present. Why does this feel like punishment? I feel like a huge disappointment. I mean, this is the irresponsible stuff that I preach to my older kids about.
I have to get through this. I’m giving myself time to feel the feels since this happened so quickly. If I’m not mentally feeling better soon, I must find local resources to help with coping.
I relate to your story on many levels. I too had my abortion at 42 with what would have been my 4th. I felt like I should’ve known better, how could I have let this happen. I’m glad you found this site and can use it as well as the talk/chat line. These emotions are so complex, so much to work through and process. We hear and see you here. It sounds like you made the right choice for your own mental health. You know what is best and you are a kind and loving mother to the 4 living children you have.