I was 22 and had just graduated college in May. My plan was to begin my first teaching job in August, but for now teaching half day summer school was next up. I met a boy one month before graduating that I really liked, we stayed together after graduating. His plan was to do one more year of school for his business degree, while I tried to find my first teaching job. In the ever vast world of unknown that is post college and pre first job, we were in love. Mid July comes around and I miss my period, the first time it’s ever been late in my life. I took a test, then another, and so on until I had 8 of the same result. Pregnant. I called my boyfriend, he left work and came home. We only talked about it for minutes before “what are we going to do” came out of his mouth. Next, “we have to call and find somewhere to get this taken care of.” So that’s just what I did. We had no jobs, and were scared out of our minds. We couldn’t become parents at 22.
That was 9 years ago. We got a dog, both got our master degrees, got married, and just had our third child. We had a beautiful life the last 9 years. And yet all of a sudden, 6 months after having our last baby, I am hit with a wave of sadness and anger again. All of a sudden the accomplishments of the last 9 years seem not as important as knowing who that baby was, another member of our family. I spent the morning crying, angry at the person I was 9 years ago, knowing the person I am now would have loved that baby and still does. It’s a confusing feeling. Asking myself where would I be? Would we have had more children? I have this life now, but it should have been something completely different.