I had been on the fence about having kids for a while until two years ago when the possibility began to seem more realistic. I wanted to wait a little longer until trying and would have prefered to have another year or so before getting pregnant but my partner made the point that I was almost 39 and it might be now or never. We started trying thinking it would probably take over a year to get pregnant if it even did happen at all. In the three months of trying several difficult life situations arose, my partner twisted his ankle badly enough that he couldn’t walk on it for months, a friend commit suicide and my Mom, who I am the sole caretaker of, had a severe psychotic break. In the midst of all of this I suddenly find out I’m pregnant. I was in shock that it had happened so fast and even more so about the feelings that it brought up. I would wake up crying in the morning thinking about all the things that were going to change, could possibly go wrong and how I felt like I might be ruining my life. I began to have horrible fear surrounding everything related to the pregnancy. I decided to terminate at 9 weeks.
It’s been two weeks now since the abortion and although I know it was the right decision due to my own mental health I still feel sad that it brought on so much anxiety for me and that I felt unable to go through with something I wanted.