Submitted by: Adriane

June 2020. Let me tell you…

To start off, I never thought I would be in a situation to have an abortion or even follow through with one. I have had two previous miscarriages and really wanted this baby. The circumstances this time around were not ideal. I won’t go into all of the details of that, but I’ll tell you about my abortion experience.

This page helped me so freaking much. Know that you are not alone and there are other people out there that will love and support you through this.

I got mine at Planned Parenthood. I went in for the first appointment on a Friday. I made the appointment online. They did lab work and an ultrasound. The lady asked if I wanted to see the baby. I said yes, as I had already seen it at my OBGYN.

There it was. At 8 weeks 4 days. A beautiful little blob. I cried and the tech comforted me and even shared that in her early years, she too had an abortion. She made me feel so understood without any judgement. It was a great experience (considering the circumstances). She set up a virtual appt to talk to someone about the procedure and how I wanted it done. That was the following Tuesday. I told her I wanted to be sedated etc. She then told me you aren’t completely OUT for the procedure and I panicked. She told me it’s over so fast that I probably wouldn’t even realize. Luckily they could get me in the next day. That made me 9 weeks 2 days.

When I arrived the next day, I waited in the waiting room for what seemed like forever. A nurse finally called me back. She gave me an IV, an antibiotic, and prescription strength ibuprofen. I cried and shook with nerves. She too comforted me, and it was the thing I needed in that moment. I was terrified. I waited some more for them to take me back. I got into the room. They told me to undress from the waste down and wait for them.

The doctor and nurses came in. The doctor asked what my concerns were and I told her I was terrified of the needles in my cervix. She told me to relax and that she would do her best to keep me comfortable. It started almost immediately. They put the sedation through my IV. I felt very dizzy and like… twilight zone. I could hear and feel everything. The shots didn’t sting… they just felt like really bad cramps.

They began to dilate my cervix and I cried my eyes out. It hurt despite the numbing. Once they started the evacuation process I was yelling and moaning in pain. Begging it to be over. I’m not gonna lie, it hurt like hell for me. They seemed to have been so rough with me, but it was over so fast and I can’t imagine not having the slight sedation I had. Next thing you know they were taking me to recovery. At that point I was just relieved the procedure was done.

Planned parenthood was the best. I will never forgive myself for what I did, even though I know (for selfish reasons) it was the best option for myself. I think about it every single day. I miss the morning sickness, the breast tenderness, the food aversions, the cramps, the pregnancy. I am hoping that one day I will have a baby in the right time and circumstances.

Know you are not alone. It is ok. We have the choice to make for our own bodies despite what other people’s opinions are. I felt alone too, and I carry this huge secret with me everyday. The only people that know about the abortion are the father and my best friend.

This site has helped me so much. Thank you for listening to my story.