A Decision No Woman Wants to Make

Note: The Exhale Pro-Voice After-Abortion Stories Hub includes people’s stories of their experiences and emotions, exactly as they have written them in. We do not edit these stories at all, and the content that follows this message is exactly as we received it. We know that people’s experiences are complex, and these stories reflect the many emotions they may be feeling after their abortions. From relief to grief, and everything in between, and all at the same time, we’re here for you.

Submitted by: Lena

I’m telling my abortion story here to help other pregnant people, or people who have already had an abortion feel less alone. You are not alone.

I fell pregnant in the summer of 2018 after only a few months of dating a guy who seemed like a dream. Quickly the honeymoon phase ended and I found out he was using a lot of drugs and had begun to be emotionally and physically controlling. He wanted to know my whereabouts all of the time. Sure, I was at work, but where did I go “between work and home”. An hour-by-hour account of my whereabouts, demands to open my phone and share my location with him.

I was very scared and tried to slowly unattach myself, but no sooner found out I was pregnant from the one or two times we had had sex. I knew that this person was having extreme financial difficulties from the drug use that had gotten very expensive.

The day after I found out I was pregnant, I hadn’t planned on telling him, and that decision was further solidified when he pushed me for the first (and last time), accusing me of looking at another guy. The last thing on my mind was another guy, having just found out i was carrying an abusers child.

One thing I like to tell people: its very easy to have a “stance” on an issue like abortion until you or someone you know and love actually has to make this choice. I’ve learned it doesn’t matter what the reason is that someone might seek an abortion. What we need to do is love people in their pain, and trust people to make decisions about their own body and potential child on their own. It is no one else’s choice to make.

I am so grateful for the support of the people who came around me and loved me in a time where I judged myself a lot.

Abortion is not an easy decision. It’s a decision I never thought I would have to make, and one that was very easy to judge others on from the outside.
I think a lot about the life that could have been, but still stand confident in my (what i feel was a very selfless) decision to end my pregnancy for the good of my potential baby.

I guess that baby was not my “baby”, and I’ve come to be ok with that and trust and love myself for the courageous decision I made.

You deserve nonjudgmental
after-abortion support.

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2 responses to “A Decision No Woman Wants to Make”

  1. Stormy

    Thank you you make me feel strong in my decision! Much love!

  2. Violet

    Couldn’t have said it better myself. Thanks for sharing your story, you are very brave <3

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