Submitted by : K Young

My first abortion was in 2012, I used the medication and like many it was very difficult emotionally. I was finishing college and in my early 20’s, just not ready to be a mom. Even so, I never wanted to go through that again. I got the copper IUD and felt secure that it was 99.9% effective.

My period came in early March 2020, right on time but it was unusually light, I did just travel out of town for a funeral and then covid19 took on the world. I assumed it was stress, but I wanted to be sure I wasn’t pregnant because, you know I got the IUD I should be good. After 5 pregnancy test, they’re all positive. How could this happen? The next day I see my
Midwife, IUD removed and ultrasound to confirm pregnancy. 6 weeks and a day. I was so sad, because I’m now back in school and applying to a very competitive program this fall. Here I was again, needing my second abortion.

About 4 days later I started bleeding, a lot! I bled for 7-8 hours with minimal cramps and passed a big blood clot that looks like the pregnancy sack. Went back into the midwife to have the ultrasound confirm “your uterus is empty, just scant blood” what a relief, there is a high chance of miscarriage after IUD removal. Midwife said to take at home pregnancy test in 2 weeks to make sure the hormones down. I took it 2 weeks later, still positive… I was bleeding on and off that entire time. Take the second one, still pregnant. Midwife sends me for blood work, results show high amount of hcg. Go in for diagnostic ultrasound… and there it was, now 11 weeks gestation. This baby fooled us, cloaked itself somehow in my body and now it’s way more developed.

I spent the last week trying to decide what to do. So much of me wanted to keep it at this point, I mean this thing is defying the laws of nature at this point… I talked with social workers, my partner and close friends.. I dig deep in my soul, can I handle this now? Can I be there for my tiny child when school and clinic work is consuming all my time? Ultimately, I made the decision to end this pregnancy too, it was harder because it was so far along and I had to have the in clinic procedure done. I will say, it was fast but intense and I will never do that again… I think 2 abortions is my max.

My heart is broken, just this morning I had a little one growing inside me. Now just hours later, I’m no longer pregnant and have another IUD in place. I need to get my career setup so I can provide the best life for my future children.

Self care recipe as follows: gentle yoga + meditation. Writing + reflection. Steep in my current studies (pre-nursing). Getting out in nature. Walking my dogs. Focus on my health + Wellness. My heart will heal, and I know my spirit children have given me more wisdom through these experiences.