Submitted by: Anonymous

My life was forever changed the day I walked into that women’s clinic. I was just starting out in college, 18 years old, and had my whole life waiting in front of me.

I had a one-night-stand. I didn’t plan to sleep with this guy, but I wanted him to like me. We used protection. The next morning I remember feeling used, knowing he probably wouldn’t contact me again. Weeks later I found out I was pregnant and I tried calling him. He never answered. I was scared and confused dealing with it all on my own. I had no idea what I was supposed to do, but the one thing I knew for sure was that there was no way I could keep the baby.

I decided to have an abortion. It was the only real option I felt I had. Going into the clinic I felt like cattle sitting there waiting for my turn. I was so scared. In the recovery room, I remember fainting because of everything going on. I was so scared and filled with fear that I felt no one was going to ever understand me.

When I left the clinic all I remember feeling was like something major happened to me, but it was my job to just move on with my life and put this behind me as quickly as possible. For years I have stuffed down the pain and anguish of this day feeling numb to the emotions that were always there beneath the surface. Now at the age of 46, I am now starting to realize it is essential for me to express my emotions and feel the grief from this day because I owe it to myself to feel good again. I am still so angry at myself for having the abortion, however, I know it is time to move forward with the rest of my life so I can be a good wife to my husband of 18 years and be a good mom to my five children.

I am just now beginning to come to terms with the fact that I had an abortion. If there were any way I could go back in time I would never choose this again. I have felt immense pain, sadness, shame, guilt, fear, anger, frustration, and anxiety for way too long. It is time for me to move through the emotional pain and anger so that I can come out the other end and not only help myself heal, but also help others who are also dealing with the scars of abortion.

I know I made a terrible mistake 28 years ago when I walked into that clinic. If I could go back in time I would never ever do it again. I have suffered long enough. It is time to now forgive myself for making this mistake. It is time to heal.