Submitted by: Liz B
I had my second abortion ten days ago. It was really hard. More than the first time I did it.
The first time I did protect myself, but it didn’t work. When I was six weeks along, I had the procedure. I cried but recovered fast.
This time the baby was planned, and then we decided it was not the right time. I made the appointment and then canceled it. When I was there, I was hoping for someone to show up and save me. I was really scared and sad, after the procedure I cried the rest of the day, and for the following week I even wanted to kill myself.
Today I feel better, but I had an infection, so I’m still recovering. I still feel very empty and guilty. I pray to God he can forgive me and my babies. I regret this fear, for not being able to have them and provide what is needed.
Dear Liz B,
I would really recommend finding someone to talk to. He or she can help you work through some of the struggles you are having, and can help you reframe this experience so that it doesn’t feel like it is so completely negative. It’s really okay to not feel ready to have a baby, and I think it sounds like you made the best decision you could. Hang in there!
Liz- You are not alone with these terrifying thoughts and like Lesley M said, you made the best choice you could. It is especially painful to look back and wish we’d made a different, better decision, but in reality you trusted your gut and made a very courageous choice. Please let us know how you are doing.
Lesley M says
Dear Liz B, in this life we have all had to make choices for the best of our future. It does sound like you thought through your actions and did the best you could for yourselves and your future. This is an especially tough time for us all and it is always in hindsight that we think we could have done better. Please speak to somebody to get through this process, things will get better. We have all been there and are here with you. Love and light xoxo