They say that most women feel relief, not regret. I must be in the minority. What is the point of this regret? I can’t go back in time. I can’t bring you back.

I know that in time it will pass. I can’t seem to function right now. I can’t get anything done.
I hate seeing women with their children. The weather is getting nice, and everyone is outside with their blissful little families, and I can’t stand it.

I can already see that I made a mistake by valuing your father over you. I listened to him instead of my own heart. You deserved to live, and you would have had a decent life.

I could have managed being a single mother. I had a village, I had support from others. I didn’t need him. Why did I think I did? I resent him because he will never feel what I feel.

I don’t want to look back in 10 years and know I gave up what could have been the best part of my life.

I don’t know what I believe in anymore, but I believe you had a soul at that point, and I extinguished it, and I might be the only one who sees it that way. Please forgive me, plead my case for God if He is there and if you are among the saints. Ask Him not to punish me.

I want to see you again. Whether that is in an afterlife, or in this one. I hope to hold your future brothers/sisters in my arms. Come to me again when the time is right. Will it ever be the right time? I miss you so much. I wish you were still here, growing. You wanted so badly to grow and to live. I did not let you because I was weak.

Submitted by: Em

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