Sweet Sweet Sorrows

healing journey

Note: The Exhale Pro-Voice After-Abortion Stories Hub includes people’s stories of their experiences and emotions, exactly as they have written them in. We do not edit these stories at all, and the content that follows this message is exactly as we received it. We know that people’s experiences are complex, and these stories reflect the many emotions they may be feeling after their abortions. From relief to grief, and everything in between, and all at the same time, we’re here for you.

I felt like it was time to share my story in hopes to help with my healing journey.

For context I am a 21 year old mother to three living children and currently going through a divorce. After my husband and I decided to separate in June of 2022, I started dating someone in October of 2022.

The week before my 21st birthday I learned that I was pregnant. From our very first sexual encounter.

The amount of feelings I had at once were extensive. I remember the lines popping up so quickly. And I instantly panicked. I remember instantly calling the guy I was seeing and telling him that I was in fact pregnant. As we had our suspicions because I was having slight symptoms.

He came and picked me up later that day and we bought more tests to take together. And watched as every test came back positive. I was in disbelief. We talked about our options for 4 weeks before we realized the longer we waited the fewer options we had. At 8 weeks I went through with a medical abortion.

Our reasoning was because I was going through a divorce, and my ex husband and the guy I was now with are both military. The military doesn’t care if you’re separated or not. Until you’re legally divorced, it is considered adultery. The biggest reason we made this decision was to save his career. I didn’t want to ruin that for him.

At first, I was completely okay with our decision — or at least I lied to myself well enough to think I was. Now, 5 months later and it eats at me every single day. I wish I would’ve never made the decision I made. Now I’m stuck with trying to find a way to live with myself and continue being a mother to the three children I already have. I have experienced almost every emotion that comes with having an abortion.

I want to let anyone who’s reading this to know that you are NOT alone. As isolating as this process is there are many women who have gone through exactly what you are going through. You deserve to be kind and gentle to yourself. Remember that healing isn’t linear. It will take time. And you’re very loved and needed here on earth.

Submitted by: Sierra

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