I Lost My Kid and Nothing Can Change That

Closeup of a branch with deep purple oddly shaped flowers

Submitted by: AK

I’m 25. I’m applying to nursing school programs. I was 4 weeks and 6 days.

I know I can make the choice to have children in the future. I know my spouse wants a family with me. I want a family with him. That is still something I look forward to…. but I killed my kid. I chose to end their development. I will never forget this.

I hope my children forgive me for taking away their sibling. I will never know if they were a boy or girl. I will never get to see them. I know it was barely even a fetus. But it was growing into one. It was growing into a person. And I stopped that growth. I hope it forgives me. I hope it understands. I hope my children will understand. There will be a part of them that knows. You can’t share the same womb and not know. Not suspect.

I really hope that I can forgive myself and that they can forgive me.

You deserve nonjudgmental
after-abortion support.

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