I Lost My Kid and Nothing Can Change That

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Note: The Exhale Pro-Voice After-Abortion Stories Hub includes people’s stories of their experiences and emotions, exactly as they have written them in. We do not edit these stories at all, and the content that follows this message is exactly as we received it. We know that people’s experiences are complex, and these stories reflect the many emotions they may be feeling after their abortions. From relief to grief, and everything in between, and all at the same time, we’re here for you.

Submitted by: AK

I’m 25. I’m applying to nursing school programs. I was 4 weeks and 6 days.

I know I can make the choice to have children in the future. I know my spouse wants a family with me. I want a family with him. That is still something I look forward to…. but I killed my kid. I chose to end their development. I will never forget this.

I hope my children forgive me for taking away their sibling. I will never know if they were a boy or girl. I will never get to see them. I know it was barely even a fetus. But it was growing into one. It was growing into a person. And I stopped that growth. I hope it forgives me. I hope it understands. I hope my children will understand. There will be a part of them that knows. You can’t share the same womb and not know. Not suspect.

I really hope that I can forgive myself and that they can forgive me.

You deserve nonjudgmental
after-abortion support.

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