Submitted by: Alice

Two years ago at 21 years old I had an abortion with the pill.

I had been dating my then-boyfriend now-husband for only 1 month, and I wasn’t close to finishing school either. I was also doing drugs at the time two to three times a week. I still felt that I wanted the baby and abortion wasn’t a right thing to do. My boyfriend was very against the pregnancy and pressured me to get the abortion. I told him that abortion wasn’t an option so we’d have to give the baby up for adoption. He felt like if I went through with the pregnancy I would end up keeping the baby, so he was against that idea.

When I found out that I was pregnant I was 8 weeks along and at the time of the abortion I was at 12 weeks. It took so long to make the decision because I was so unsure of myself and I knew deep down I didn’t want to get it done. I ended up taking the pill because that’s what my boyfriend wanted, and also I was afraid that I had damaged the fetus with the drugs I was doing. It was a very hard experience in every way. I have been grieving and regretting it almost every day, and it’s been 2 years now since I had it done.

We have a baby daughter now that we both love dearly, and we are both in a much better situation now. No drugs, we’re married and I finished school. Still, I feel like we should have made it work with the first pregnancy. I feel like I will never truly forgive myself and I will be hurting because of the abortion for the rest of my life. I have been to therapy, but there’s not much they can say to make me feel better.

Just wanted to share this because of all the guilt I feel. Also I don’t consider myself anti-abortion and I can understand why other women have done it, but for me personally it feels wrong and I feel guilty and ashamed of myself.