It’s Been Two Years and I’m Still Hurting

Note: The Exhale Pro-Voice After-Abortion Stories Hub includes people’s stories of their experiences and emotions, exactly as they have written them in. We do not edit these stories at all, and the content that follows this message is exactly as we received it. We know that people’s experiences are complex, and these stories reflect the many emotions they may be feeling after their abortions. From relief to grief, and everything in between, and all at the same time, we’re here for you.

Submitted by: Alice

Two years ago at 21 years old I had an abortion with the pill.

I had been dating my then-boyfriend now-husband for only 1 month, and I wasn’t close to finishing school either. I was also doing drugs at the time two to three times a week. I still felt that I wanted the baby and abortion wasn’t a right thing to do. My boyfriend was very against the pregnancy and pressured me to get the abortion. I told him that abortion wasn’t an option so we’d have to give the baby up for adoption. He felt like if I went through with the pregnancy I would end up keeping the baby, so he was against that idea.

When I found out that I was pregnant I was 8 weeks along and at the time of the abortion I was at 12 weeks. It took so long to make the decision because I was so unsure of myself and I knew deep down I didn’t want to get it done. I ended up taking the pill because that’s what my boyfriend wanted, and also I was afraid that I had damaged the fetus with the drugs I was doing. It was a very hard experience in every way. I have been grieving and regretting it almost every day, and it’s been 2 years now since I had it done.

We have a baby daughter now that we both love dearly, and we are both in a much better situation now. No drugs, we’re married and I finished school. Still, I feel like we should have made it work with the first pregnancy. I feel like I will never truly forgive myself and I will be hurting because of the abortion for the rest of my life. I have been to therapy, but there’s not much they can say to make me feel better.

Just wanted to share this because of all the guilt I feel. Also I don’t consider myself anti-abortion and I can understand why other women have done it, but for me personally it feels wrong and I feel guilty and ashamed of myself.

You deserve nonjudgmental
after-abortion support.

Text Exhale Pro-Voice:


Our confidential textline is available in the US and Canada and is staffed during the following hours:

Weekdays: 3 pm-9 pm (Pacific Time)
Saturdays: 1 pm-9 pm (Pacific Time)
Sundays: 3 pm-7 pm (Pacific Time)

Se habla español.
Due to high text volume, please expect a response within 24 hours.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *