Submitted by: Kate F
I have always been pro-choice, but never expected that choice to at any point be mine. We found out during our anatomy scan that our baby not only had severe bilateral club feet, but that he also had spina bifida. We opted to terminate but due to laws in our state, we no longer could and were only days away from the cut off in most other states. We had hours to make a plan, get on a plane, and go to NJ. The clinic scheduled my appointment for a few days later, on the last day it was going to be legal.
The entire experience was emotionally devastating. We knew we were making the best choice for both our baby and our current family, but that has not taken away from the absolute gut wrenching grief that I feel. It is a feeling of loss, of guilt, of emptiness and sadness. A feeling that feels like it will never go away. To add insult to injury, your body thinks you had a baby. So the postpartum hormones are also out of sorts and my body is producing milk for a baby I will never get to feed.
My abortion experience has been without a doubt, the hardest thing I have ever been through. I hope to see the light at the end of this dark tunnel soon.