One Year

Submitted by: Nicola

I’m celebrating, a little. It’s been one year since my abortion. I survived; further, I’m even happy.

Choosing to have an abortion, then dealing with the emotional fallout, was the roughest thing I’ve ever experienced. It gutted me. I’m certainly not happy about it. You might say I regret it. It’s difficult to understand, from this point of view why I even chose such a painful path. It is tempting to berate my past self, blame her, call her stupid and ugly.

However, it comes down to this:
I. Just. Wasn’t. Ready.

I need to have respect for my past self who was not prepared for a baby. I can question her, but I must have love for her. I was younger then, a different person, a girl who is now a Woman.

I speak now from the point of view of a woman who’s had her wedding, honeymoon, and other experiences that I wanted and deserved before adding the responsibility of a baby… irreplaceable experiences that I am so, so happy with.

There is not a way to simply “move on” after an abortion. It changed me. But even with remaining sadness and uncertainty around it, I like my life and I’m grateful for it. There was no clear answer to the complicated question, “should I carry this unplanned, unwanted pregnancy?” There were tremendous consequences either way, and I have lived them.
If this year has taught me anything, it’s “Embrace the backup plan.” Your abortion can be a big part of your story – a sad, troubling, complicated one – without being “right” or “wrong”, and without ruining your life.

We are women and these are our stories – powerful, sad stories of our sensitivity and strength.

I’m celebrating our complicated lives today. Sending love to you all.