Regret

Tomorrow would have been my due date.

I’m sorry if this all comes out as word vomit, but I have nobody who understands the pain I’m in.

Found out I was pregnant in March this year. I was scared. I’m in college and have another year and a half left. Me and my boyfriend had just moved in together.

I told him. He seemed supportive at first but then about a week later he seemed resentful and angry with me like he didn’t have a role in making the baby too.

The next month was stressful and filled with many discussions about how he wasn’t ready. He wanted the abortion, and I chose a relationship over my baby.

Turns out I feel resentment towards him now and I hate that. I feel like such a failure. I feel like a terrible mom. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about my baby. The regret I feel now is overwhelming. I feel like I made the right choice for my future but I also feel so selfish and numb. I look at my sonograms almost everyday. I hate that I’m too sad and jealous to hang out with my best friends who are also pregnant. Tears are streaming down my face as I type this and think about the part of me I’ll never know.

Baby,
I’m sorry. I should have chose you over anyone else. I’m sorry I didn’t fight for you. I love you so much. I’ll always love you. I hope you can forgive me.

Submitted by: Noel

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