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The Hardest Day of my Life

January 5, 2018 By Exhale Leave a Comment

Submitted by Sarah S

It’s only been 4 days since I had the surgical procedure done. I can still feel everything as if it were still happening. Those hours in the waiting room tapping my feet and trying to convince myself that I wasn’t a monster.

I am 16 years old and I was there alone. Every time a nurse came out my heart would drop to my feet. “Your baby knows you love it.” That’s what I kept repeating to myself.

I love children, so why is it that when I was going to have my own I broke down? I felt completely alone. My family said that they would support me, but they were never there when I needed them. The father said he would never leave, yet once he knew the procedure was over he became a completely different person.

I don’t sleep, eat, or even smile the way I used to. Everything has become so much harder than the stacks of literature I read said it would. I read them every night. “Am I a Good Woman?”, is one of the titles on them. But, am I? I cry and get mad when I see other women posting their ultrasounds because I never got to post mine. My ultrasound will forever only be seen by me.

I was told I was a disappointment when I first let my family know. That hurt worse than when the pregnancy test came back positive. Everything has gone downhill.

I’ll never forget or forgive what I did Thursday, July 20th, 2017. Because that will forever be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’ll forever carry my baby in my heart, rather than in my arms.

Filed Under: After-Abortion Stories

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