To my Nova. Oh I wanted to be your mommy so badly. I knew from the moment that I found out I was pregnant that I wanted you. That I was going to do everything in this would to protect you and give you the best life. But then the noise came. Could I really do this at 22?
I would’ve had little support, I couldn’t guarantee the presence of her father. AND my father was having a baby with his 2nd wife at the same time I found out I was pregnant. I tried to stay strong but eventually it got to me. I started to question myself and my capabilities and how I would show up as a mother.
I started worrying about others thoughts rather than myself. That process of losing her was the hardest thing I have gone through. I’m on the other side. It’s still very hard.
It’s strange because it’s a grief that you can’t really explain and only you feel the full weight of it. Even your partner who would’ve been the baby’s father can’t relate or even understand your connection. She is with me every single day. It’s the most beautiful and heartbreaking thing.
I can’t turn back the time but I can learn the lesson. I will never let anyone take that away from me, I will never abandon my truest desires to keep the peace. I am stronger with her. Thank you my baby girl. Mommy loves you so much.