I found out I was pregnant after a 12 hr shift. It was a silly test I thought, so that I could tell the GP the next day at my appointment about my periods that I wasn’t pregnant. I had all my PMS signs and thought nothing of it. That was until I saw the first line straight away, followed by the next one. My heart dropped and I thought ‘No! this test must be out of date.’ I never thought that when I saw a positive pregnancy test that I wouldn’t be happy. I very quickly told my boyfriend who was making dinner downstairs.
I’m 24 and he is 22 and we have been together nearly 4 years. We have spoke about children, given them names and everything. I never thought we would get an abortion. But when faced with the reality that we are living with his parents and barely lived that option becomes a lot more realistic.
It killed me but as being a child from a broken home who grew up with abuse and poverty I want to be prepared for kids, have a house and savings. I had to think logically and my boyfriend didn’t want the baby. I couldn’t let myself fall anymore in love with the idea of this baby. I cried every day leading up to the medical abortion and still cry now. The pain was excruciating and the whirlwind of grief, relief and utter sadness is consuming but I have to keep reminding myself that I did this for a reason and I will not let that go to waste – I loved that baby and always will I hope it knows that.
I think there is so much shame spoken around this subject and that only certain situations “excuse” the reason to have an abortion but from speaking to people around me that doesn’t matter and you shouldn’t feel guilted into a choice that is yours, this is my life and I get to live it and when I do have children they will have all the opportunities that I can give them because I chose that.