What I Am Feeling vs. What I Think I Should Be Feeling

Note: The Exhale Pro-Voice After-Abortion Stories Hub includes people’s stories of their experiences and emotions, exactly as they have written them in. We do not edit these stories at all, and the content that follows this message is exactly as we received it. We know that people’s experiences are complex, and these stories reflect the many emotions they may be feeling after their abortions. From relief to grief, and everything in between, and all at the same time, we’re here for you.

Submitted by: Grace

I had my abortion in October of this past year. I feel like there is a certain societal pressure to be okay — to feel relief, to feel empowered.

I feel the exact opposite.

I know it was the right thing for me to do, but I can’t escape the empty feeling inside. I have pushed all of my friends away, turning to alcohol and lashing out at them.

Today would have been my due date. Every single time I see a pregnant woman or a woman with a child, my heart constricts and I can’t help but feel a pang of regret or think, “What if?”

I feel very alone. No matter how hard I try, I can’t feel what I think I am supposed to be feeling. I am glad I found this website to help me through it.

You deserve nonjudgmental
after-abortion support.

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3 responses to “What I Am Feeling vs. What I Think I Should Be Feeling”

  1. Kathleen

    I just listened to a podcast with Kassi Underwood and she talks about this exact thing. Are you familiar with her? She too was an alcoholic and had an abortion. Look her up if you don’t know about her. She claims that the feminist movement in a way has done a disservice to women because it proclaims that to be empowered, a woman does not feel regret or pain after an abortion and she claims this is such a disservice to women. Pro-lifers on the other hand oppose abortion because it harms women. I hate how these 2 sides are so black and white when it’s really so many conflicting emotions we go through. Much love and thanks for sharing

  2. C

    Hi Grace,

    You aren’t alone in feeling empty or alone. It’s been 5 years since my own abortion and there are still days when I am not ok, especially around the time I had the abortion and the would-be due date.

    However, I can tell you with certainty that time has helped me heal and learn to start forgiving myself. I think that every person reacts differently and your feelings are valid. It’s ok to not be ok right now, please be kind to yourself! That’s the part I still struggle with most, recognizing that I made the best choice for myself and being willing to forgive myself.

    I hope that you find peace , you deserve it.

  3. Alexis

    It’s never easy around your supposed to be due date…. I’ve also always felt both sides of the coin, relief, and utter disappointment. I think maybe if you let yourself feel and be with your emotions good or bad and you’re able to be honest with either your friends or a third party you might see yourself more relaxed around people. I’ve been as honest as I can with my friends but they’ve never been through it so it’s hard for them to grasp what exactly it is I’m saying, but I still think it’s worth it to try. Also…. If you feel the need too, you can talk to me if you want? Just an idea. I’m here because I feel like I can relate. Best to you.

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