Change.

I got the abortion pill method November 2020.

I’m already a mom, had just discovered my purpose, and am supposed to go to college this year. I felt I just knew I had to do it & committed to it. I was fine — didn’t really think about it much after.

Two months later and I’ve started having nightmares, picked up some bad habits, and I cry about it now. I cry about what could of been, what he would have looked like. I wonder how my kids lives would’ve been with a new sibling. I wonder about how much love I would’ve felt having it. In some moments I wonder about the name I still want to give it. I know it’s impossible to know the gender in my case. I’m saddened I’ll always wonder.

I won’t ever forget about this baby. I never met it, held it, or heard it cry, seen it smile, or heard it’s laugh. I just know this feels like a loss. Like change. I feel really different now. Social media makes me feel a type of way when seeing pregnancy announcements now. To this day, I’m still tracking the would-have-been pregnancy.

Submitted by: Perez

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