Change

change

Note: The Exhale Pro-Voice After-Abortion Stories Hub includes people’s stories of their experiences and emotions, exactly as they have written them in. We do not edit these stories at all, and the content that follows this message is exactly as we received it. We know that people’s experiences are complex, and these stories reflect the many emotions they may be feeling after their abortions. From relief to grief, and everything in between, and all at the same time, we’re here for you.


Change.

I got the abortion pill method November 2020.

I’m already a mom, had just discovered my purpose, and am supposed to go to college this year. I felt I just knew I had to do it & committed to it. I was fine — didn’t really think about it much after.

Two months later and I’ve started having nightmares, picked up some bad habits, and I cry about it now. I cry about what could of been, what he would have looked like. I wonder how my kids lives would’ve been with a new sibling. I wonder about how much love I would’ve felt having it. In some moments I wonder about the name I still want to give it. I know it’s impossible to know the gender in my case. I’m saddened I’ll always wonder.

I won’t ever forget about this baby. I never met it, held it, or heard it cry, seen it smile, or heard it’s laugh. I just know this feels like a loss. Like change. I feel really different now. Social media makes me feel a type of way when seeing pregnancy announcements now. To this day, I’m still tracking the would-have-been pregnancy.

Submitted by: Perez


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One response to “Change”

  1. Ashley

    I feel the same way… I had mine the same month and though I’m not a mother now I always wonder how it could have been and how loved it would be.. I track mine also still.

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