CW: Medical Description
I’ve been searching far and wide for a story like mine after my abortion and can’t seem to find any.
I had it all planned out, I wasn’t going to tell anyone outside of my inner circle and just pretend it didn’t happen. I don’t plan on having children and only have known the guy for a few months, so having a baby was definitely not an option for me. I was having small bits of regret, but after talking to my therapist I decided my mindset wasn’t that of someone who was ready to be a parent or even carry a child. It was making my OCD worse and my depression symptoms were concerningly high.
I had my abortion set up and even got plenty of financial help for it considering I’m in a total ban state, so it was gonna be smooth. I traveled to the place, did everything right, and it still didn’t work. My cervix wouldn’t open enough to finish the surgical procedure. My water had broken and there was no heartbeat, but I still had everything left inside of me and I was bleeding pretty bad. The clinic was amazing and talked me through my next steps very calmly and even gave me every bit of information I would need to take with me. They sent me to the nearest hospital on that side of the state line and even made sure to call ahead so they knew I was coming.
At first the ER doctors were confused as to why I was in another state and there, but after speaking with the OB they were fast! I was so lucky to have the best doctor for this situation and she was the kindest woman I’ve ever met. Unfortunately, I had to be put to sleep and have a D&C, but she was amazing and triple checked that there was no tissue left. I’m recovering well, but my emotional state has been up and down.
Realizing that trauma I went through and how serious that could’ve been hit me hard. It has also solidified my choice to not have kids. Maybe it was a blessing that I was able to come to that realization, but I can’t help but think about how dramatic the process had to be.
My experience might be a bit more specific than most failed abortions, so I couldn’t find anything that wasn’t medical failure. I just don’t want anyone to feel alone like I did when I went through this.