A year later I am laying in bed, visiting my father in WI, and still navigating grief. Earlier today, he showed me baby pictures of myself and tears swelled up immediately. A year ago- I made a choice that seemed easy at the time because I had made it before, and I felt completely okay about it. I didn’t realize that things were different this time.
I was about to graduate with my bachelors and working my way up in the world. My boyfriend and I had been together for 6 years, but we were just figuring out life; I wasn’t ready to grow up. So I made the choice.
I made the choice. And that same week I found out that my boyfriend’s brother was having a baby. I was broken. The shame and the guilt behind being angry about a family member having a child while grieving is not something I wish on anyone else.
It’s been a year now, and it’s still not easy. But it’s been a year, and I’m about to graduate with my master’s degree and my husband (who was my boyfriend at the time) and I are going to Europe next week for a vacation. I have a great job lined up after graduating with my masters, and many more opportunities ahead.
But I’m laying in bed, crying, because while I know I made the right choice, the grief is something that I carry still. What keeps me going is the life I will be able to give my future family because of the sacrifices I have made, but I still grieve. I’m not sure if I’ll ever stop grieving.
Submitted by: Lin